A while back mi maestra Estela told us we all need to recognize our own inner colonizer when doing the
work of liberating ourselves. I resonated with this term so much because I always felt we need to acknowledge that these patterns do not just come from one generation of abusive parenting, they are systemic.
Using the term Inner Colonizer versus inner critic or ego or wounded self, places us within the context of the systems and paradigms of conquest/domination that we, our parents, our grandparents, great grandparents, have been swimming in. This is why I have always addressed systems and how they impact us.
Whether you come from the lineage of those who were actively oppressed by colonization; BIPOC, Brown, Black, servants, living in poverty…or you come from those who actively upheld oppression through upper class norms and white supremacy, we all have an internalized Colonizer.
The flavor of our Inner Colonizer is different depending on whether we are on the bottom or the top of a fear mongering, controlling system, but we are all pawns of the same domination, war mongering, fear mongering paradigm.
Those who are on the bottom tend to have an Inner Colonizer that helped them survive by keeping their head down and internalizing they are unlovable, undeserving, must be subservient and happy with scraps. Their children tend to grow up steeped in shame, abuse, control, assimilation pressure and parentification.
Those who are on the top tend to seek to maintain control and false self worth by perpetrating domination, entitlement, narcissism from a place of deep insecurity, fear of losing one’s place. Their children tend to grow up steeped in and internalizing intense criticism, unrealistic expectations and fearful, controlling anxiety.
With many nuances in between, but ultimately it is fear and control in various forms.
In liberating ourselves, naming the Inner Colonizer helps because we can compassionately see ourselves within the constructs and legacies that have impacted us.
Our wounds are not intrinsic to us.
We don’t deserve them and they are not who we really are.
We have been disconnected from grounded, centered, more harmonious ways of being with ourselves, each other and our extended familia, animals, plants, elements, energies.
Life is of course, still a path with ups and downs. There is no perfect, no fantasy, no arrival…
It is an ongoing practice to reclaim ourselves from this entity of conquest mindset.
And we cannot get even close to ideals of ONENESS unless we recognize and do this real work.
But as we lift the lies and distortions of the Inner Colonizer off of ourselves/our inner child, we can bring our whole, full, ancient, wise soul to the experience.
Standing like the tall oak, the mountain, the elk. Flying over constructs like our bird cousins.
With gentle compassion we can get curious and ask:
How is my Inner Colonizer running me?
And we can keep returning to spirit/nature/ancestors
to reclaim and remember the truth of our beautiful humanity.
Just as we are, just as our children show us.
As always, if you are moved, please share with those you feel would appreciate this. Your word of mouth referrals help us build this liberation practice and community xoxo.