My journey thus far with my children has been the greatest gift in my life; a daily, heavenly
communing with bright souls I love so much. I am very satisfied with my two children. Which is partly why we took so long to commit to having a third child. And we weren’t the only ones worried about growing our family.
When we told Lucas and Maya, at 11 weeks, that they would soon have a little brother or sister, they had very different reactions. For good reasons.
Lucas had been dramatically rocked by his sister’s birth when as my very attached, still nursing, 20 month old, he suddenly had to share my attention and weather the storms that came with my adjustment to two. So it wasn’t a huge surprise this summer, when my soft spoken, caring and tender son, actually screamed at us with fervor and vehemence that he did not want me to have another baby ever.
While we were waiting until I was further along to tell the children, I realized that I needed to tell Lucas sooner than later because I was feeling too much worry and dread about breaking the news.
When we told him, authentically, his anger and the helplessness underneath it, began to rise. Tears welled up and frustration filled his body, his arms tensing and straightening. We honored and allowed his feelings. I held him and let him know I understood. With this presence, his anger quickly passed and made way for curiosity. Really, mom?? How??? I breathed a huge sigh of relief and sat with the great reminder that however big the fear is, when we face it, we can move through and find (again) that we are strong enough to handle our feelings.
Then there was Maya…..
Having a very motherly energy and being well practiced with her many dollies, when told the news, she was ecstatic, literally vibrating with glee. (Of course, she also entered the world having to share her mothers attention, so this was not a trigger.) That day she saw a mother from our school at the gym, and gleefully told her saying, “I’m not supposed to tell anyone but I can’t help it, I’m so excited!!!” the joy bursting forth from all her cells. For days, she would announce the news to anyone who would listen saying “My mommy has a baby in her belly!” Or sometimes, when she thought someone didn’t know she would start to kiss my belly to give them a subtle clue. I eventually left it up to her to be the messenger to friends and family altogether.
As the days went by we all began to adjust and integrate this baby into our lives….
Our morning ritual of song and snuggles expanded to include bright happy morning greetings spoken into the ‘microphone’ of my belly button to the baby, “Goood morrrrnninng baby!!!”
When I practice prenatal yoga, Lucas and Maya spontaneously drop in to join a chant or a pose, taking in with seriousness the messages of the ‘prenatal yoga guru of the day’ about connecting with my baby. I tell them to think of their own heart and connect within when they hear this. Maya looks at me assuredly with her hand on her heart, “I’m loving the baby in me mommy.” She has also incorporated all the chants into her daily inspired singing.
They both drink in books like “A Child is Born” poring over the pictures with great detail, asking question after question, and reading and re-reading the Sear’s children’s book “Baby on the Way” They give me hugs as the book suggests because “The baby feels the love and you can feel it too mommy!”
Then of course there are the birth videos that we have become hooked on through youtube. Lucas says, “No more water ones mama, I want to be able to see the baby coming out, that is the most interesting part!” He has always been very curious.
Lucas is still deciding, but Maya is sure that she wants to be there when the baby is born, accessing her inner wisdom and doula energy with confidence.
Although I had worried about how to delicately handle giving Lucas the news, I now see that facing the reality of life gently, has strengthened our connection by showing him that we are here for him even in his greatest anger and helplessness. Since then, it has been invaluable to see him delighting in anticipation of this thing he has feared for so long. So powerful is the human ability to adapt to change.
This small triumph felt like the perfect transition to the next beautiful chapter of our life together as a family. Although we all have our own bit of ‘fear of the unknown’ as we transition to three, we are beginning with the assurance that whatever comes up, we will face it together.
And meanwhile, there is simply so much unexpected sweetness….Every day, there is some amazing tenderness that having a third child has brought into our life together. It is so true that love simply grows and grows. Though we resisted change for so long, not wanting to ‘mess up a good thing’ by having a third, we now see how this change is bringing growth to all of us.
I cannot imagine never having shared this excitement, this sacred miracle of life, as a family. I am thrilled that this baby is joining our family, and I am so grateful for the sweet experience of sharing this journey together.