Learning to connect, boy style


The last few days my six year old, Lucas, has seemed like something was bothering him.  He’s been a bit more aggressive and sensitive.  So today, I listened to God’s nudging, and took him for a Mommy/Lucas date.  As usual, I gave him carte blanche and let him tell me what he wanted to do.  We came up with an ice cream picnic at a park that has a basketball net.

He eagerly grabbed his basketball, looking like such a big guy, and hopped in his seat.  When we got to the park, we found a shady tree and sat under it while he had some chocolate gelato.  I am at the end of a month long intestinal cleanse, so I enjoyed a truly delicious green smoothie, which he joined me in afterward.  As we sat, I listened to my heart and chatted, but mostly held space for him to speak.  I am slowly learning his way of communicating.  He doesn’t like to be asked directly about ‘feelings.’ It seems to be invasive for him.  But when he feels my attention he will freely share the nuances of his thoughts and feelings.

After a while of discussing school and other things, he asked me, “Mom, do you wish you had two girls?”  I knew this was the one he had been working up to.  About a week ago, I was telling he and Maya a bit about my pregnancy with them and I talked about how when I found out Lucas was a boy, I wasn’t sure what to do with a boy.  At the time, I felt it was important to be honest about the real feeling I had in that moment because babies hear/know/feel what is happening in utero.  He also may have developed this question because I was very excited to have a girl when pregnant with my daughter and he may have felt some of this.  Or he may have felt my brief disappointment while he was in utero.  Whatever, the reason for his question today. I was glad he asked it.

So glad to have the chance to tell him (in a nutshell), yes, honey at first I was scared.  I didn’t know how to take care of or connect with a boy.  I thought it would feel better to have a girl. But I’m so glad I had you, because I found out boys are so sweet and tender and it is a special thing to have a son. I have loved being a mommy to you.  I never EVER think that I would rather have two girls!

I have worked with people who have taken statements that their parents made when they were children, to their core, and it has defined and/or limited them.  “I wasn’t wanted” “They wanted a girl”  Today, I am so grateful that I listened to God/my heart and created the time and space for us to clearly communicate and deepen our connection and trust.

We then got up and took turns shooting the basketball.  He was so happy to see me engage in a sport with him, and it felt good to me to dust off my ‘basketball’ moves from those days (twenty!) years ago when I played in high school.  We continued talking while playing.  Another communication style we are growing into.  Who is this young man I am standing here with???

I’m sure I could read a book that would tell me how to “communicate” with boys, but today it was nice to see that all I really needed to do was stay in my heart and connect to God/Love where there is always the best guidance.

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